No, Thank YOU!
Something I was not prepared for when starting this journey is the realization that, in a lot of ways, the diet and exercise is the easy part. Changing your fitness schedule and your eating habits is a lot more straightforward than changing your attitude toward yourself and your self-image.
The mental is by far the bigger battle. Despite coming up on 80 (EIGHTY!!!) pounds lost and having gained a much more healthy appreciation of and respect for my body, I am still finding it hard to really believe the people who tell me how great I look or the friends who threaten to cut all my hair off in my sleep so that they can compete with the “skinny bitch” I have become.
It’s never been easy for me to see myself the way others do and I always expect them to think the worst. I’ve gotten into the habit of pointing out the worst in myself before others can, rejecting myself before others can and assuming that others will not like me, want to socialize with me or find me attractive.
I find compliments suspect and I dismiss them as mere niceties devoid of any sincerity or factual basis. And, even though I DO believe I’m pretty awesome, I just cannot accept that anyone else TRULY thinks so, too because I am stuck in the habit of thinking of myself as a fat girl. And (I am convinced) nobody likes a fat girl.
I need to knock that shit off!
I am not sure HOW I am going to do that, but maybe just recognizing that I do and trying to interrupt the negating thoughts that inevitably spring up when I receive a compliment will help.
I am also going to try to be more open and trusting of others - which is a huge chasm of scary for me! - but, I think that it’s necessary in order to move forward. I think I need to be a part of a community or I am always going to be apart from it.