What Goes Up…
The past few weeks have been great! I went on vacation to the Florida Keys with my Mom and Aunt and spent a week reading, lounging by our own pool or looking out at the Atlantic 100 feet from our deck.
Then I came back to work calm and refreshed, had an awesome yearly review, averaged about 1200 calories a day and went to yoga 4 days in a row.
At my weigh in this past Saturday, I gained 3 1/2 pounds.
This week has not been so great. I can’t stop obsessing over those 3 (and a half!) pounds. I can’t stop looking at myself and thinking I’m gaining it all back.
I’m back to hating the way I look and being embarrassed to be seen in my yoga clothes. My critical eye is tearing myself apart and all I can think is that no matter what I do, how little I eat, how much I exercise, my weight is just going to continue to go back up, that I am a failure, that I will never reach my goal, that all people will ever see when they look at me is a fat girl, that all I’ll ever see when I look in the mirror is a fat girl.
And the worst part is I KNOW it’s destructive and I KNOW weight fluctuates and I KNOW that in all likelihood, that weight and more will have magically disappeared this week. Weight is just a number. It does not reflect how healthy you are or how well your program is going overall. I KNOW this. But, still…THREE AND A HALF POUNDS?!?!
