Breaking the Mirror Curse
When I was about 8 years old, I broke 3 mirrors in three different stores in a very short amount of time. In my memory they fell over without my touching them. Of course, I have never been what you would call graceful. I have always been unintentionally destructive and I dearly loved nothing more than to watch myself in the mirror (usually performing some song, dance or character).
At least I did until I gained enough weight to hibernate comfortably for a few winters (lucky bears!) Once the weight went on, everyone stopped looking at me. Including me.
I know it seems counterintuitive, but the bigger you are, the less people notice you. You’re like a piece of furniture, the eyes glance past you, never taking you in or registering you as being worth note or even as a person. And this is preferable to the alternative. Preferable to being noticed. Noticing meant pity, judgement, disgust, shame and eventually an entire bag of kits kits (have I mentioned how much I miss kit kats?)
But, today, while walking down the street, I glanced at myself in the plate glass windows of the businesses I passed by and I liked what I saw. And I started thinking about how much I have APPROVED of myself lately. Not only approved, but reveled in myself even. Let’s be honest, although I understand it’s a work in progress, I am completely enthralled with my body.
I am constantly amazed by the way it is changing and shrinking and relieved that it is doing so in a uniform manner- a little is constantly toning and coming off of everywhere. I can see changes in me every day. I can’t stop touching the muscles that didn’t exist before, turning in front of the mirror to view myself from all angles, prancing about in my underwear and trying on clothes which are getting smaller than I ever imagined I could get into and when I see myself now in a group of people, I’m not much larger. I fit in.
Oh, my God. I fit in. I fit.
15 minutes and a good cry later…
So, anyway…what I realized today is that I broke my curse. The 20+ years of bad luck that my childhood self wrought upon me in a fit of destructive enthusiasm and showmanship is over and I can’t wait to watch the mirror to see what I will do for the next 20.
