Crazy Punching Weasel Running Loose
So, I open the mail today and in it is a card from my Mother (typical Mom stuff, picture of a cat reading a book). She has enclosed a few clippings from the police “Roundup” of The Chronicle Telegram to let me know how lucky I am NOT to live in Ohio anymore.
This one is my favorite:
“Serial Puncher Strikes at Lorain Bar”
A small-in stature man with a history of randomly punching people in bars and then fleeing, allegedly struck again Thursday.
The man, known only as “Weasel,” allegedly entered Shots bar and said, “What’s up?” to a much taller gentleman at the counter.
Not wanting to seem unfriendly, the man replied, “What’s up,” but Weasel only responded the same way. After the third time the phrase was repeated by both men, Weasel allegedly punched the man in the right eye.
The victim told police he was so shocked at the assult because he was so much larger than Weasel and took a moment to comprehend what had just happened. Once he realized he’d just been srtuck he went to grab at Weasel, but Weasel ran out of the bar.
The man at the bar told police that Weasel was recently arrested for the same thing at another bar and has a history of punching people then fleeing.
Police investigating attempted to learn the real identity of Weasel but were unable to because so many people in Lorain have that nickname according to a report of the incident.
There’s actually a few lessons to take away from this. First, if you ever find yourself in Lorain, Ohio, turn around and get the Hell out.
Second, the writers at the Chronicle have the purple prose down cold.
And finally, Weasels can’t be trusted.
